by Allegra
How Are You Today? 4/6/16
by Charity, April 06, 2016 11:01 am
I feel overwhelmed, and I'm resisting any effort at healing. The pain feels safer than healing, because it's familiar.
Empathizing with anyone else who's struggling.
__________
Who's On First?
by Laura and Allegra, April 13, 2016 11:00 am
[On knowing who's out.]
There is no one in our system with the legal name; this is intentional. On forums, we prefer to be acknowledged by whichever name(s) are posting. However, interacting in 3d is very different from interacting in writing, so if we're around friends who know that we're multiple, we prefer to all answer to the external name. It's a lot simpler.
Getting back to your original topic....differentiation/recognition within. Our difficulties are compounded by the fact that we can't see each other on the inside, so we don't have the tool of visual recognition to identify who else is around. We almost envy people who are more florid, although we realize that externally florid behavior puts the whole system at risk.
Wish we had some answers. :-/
A bunch-o-MDs
[4:47 pm]
Another consideration is that we rely too much on thoughts and feelings as indicators of "self." Our T often points out to us that more than one system member can share a belief or a feeling. We agree. But true "self" is an intangible essence that goes beyond concrete indicators like thoughts and feelings.
So, identifying someone by "differential diagnosis," so to speak, won't always work. We each have to have a sense of self before we can easily identify other selves. But we try too much to base our respective senses of self on who we're not.
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We Are Still Here
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by Mary and Allegra, April 17, 2016 8:58 pm
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Religious Decisions
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by Mary and Allegra, April 17, 2016 9:01 pm
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On Aging
by Allegra, April 17, 2016 10:55 pm
[In response to someone who asked whether other insiders should age as the host in their system ages.]
We don't have a host, and the oldest person in our system is less than half the age of the body[...]. We see our body as a container that we all live in, rather than as a person.
Nevertheless, we relate to having age issues. Our system has always had rather rigid...um...firm...beliefs about the relationship between age and responsibility. Our parents were young and ill-equipped when we were born, and we grew up having to take care of ourselves emotionally, to learn about life on our own, and to make some attempt at giving ourselves the nurturing that we needed. We had mixed results. :-/
As a result, the five adults in our system are largely ill-equipped to deal with adult responsibility. For many years, the day-to-day life of our system has been run by older teens. This fact has caused a great deal of resentment within our system, and there's no resolution in sight.
Now, you [the friend] are an adult, so perhaps in one sense it's not the same thing that we're dealing with. You're used to being the oldest, and soon you won't be, unless your age changes as well. Regardless, it's no small thing facing the possibility of roles and responsibilities changing, so it helps to keep internal dialogue going. It's not easy. We know. But we believe that the end result will be worth it.
__________
How Are You Today? 4/19/16
by Charity, April 19, 2016 2:25 pm
We're safe, but we're not doing well.
Have to hold onto the pain. The pain is the only constant. Can't let go. :-(
__________
How Are You Today? 4/20/2016
by Charity, April 20, 2016 2:22 pm
Thank you [to] everyone [...] who's posted support.
The others say that part of this may be hormones. By technical definition, we're done with menopause, but the hormonal and mood swings don't just stop just because monthlies have stopped.
I don't want to be. I will be, because the others in here want to be. But reality is coming together for me personally on so many levels, and I want to go back and hide in my own little world. I can't anymore. :-(
__________
How Are You Today? 4/25/16
by Charity, April 25, 2016 9:28 pm
Last Friday night was Passover, and we were drained after spending four hours with our sister-in-law's family. They're good people, but socializing is very draining for most of us in our system.
Saturday was hard, and Sunday was harder. But today we managed to focus on sorting through and disposing of quite a bit of old paperwork. Those of us who have issues are working on them. Sometimes, though, one person's step forward triggers someone else for one reason or another, and then we have to deal with the fallout. :-/
I've realized that I went overboard in trying to reclaim pain that had originally overflowed from me to others in our system. Sometimes other people's pain is really their own. It's hard to know the difference sometimes. But we're already confused about so many other things that one more source of confusion won't make a difference. :-/
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