by Rachel
Allegra says that if I really wanted to kill myself/us, I would have already done so.
I have no argument against this.
She also says that I can choose healthier, safer ways to protect myself and us, and that I have the ability to contribute to our collective effort to create a better life.
I have doubts. Allegra says that the past is in the past, and that we can choose not to continue to let it hurt us. "I speak the truth. I'm not here to be a Pollyanna." Fair enough; evidence accepted.
Respect and validation. "I can be a very useful ally if you choose to allow it." Perhaps.
For now it suits me to envision our mother's parents and brother agonizing in the netherworld, experiencing all of the most gruesome scenarios that I can imagine.
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