Running From Feelings

by Charity

I am an "emotional eater."  I eat to avoid my feelings.  I also engage in other unhelpful behaviors to avoid my feelings and seek an illusion of control.

In my dreams, I am often running from someone or something.  I never see what I'm running from; I only know that I have to run to prevent it from catching me.  It's urgent.  I'm panicking.  And of late, I keep having this feeling even when I'm awake.

I don't want to remember more trauma.  I just want to resolve the feelings without burdening myself with the details of what causes them.  I believe it's possible to do so--to process feelings without focusing on the specifics of what the feelings are about.  I don't need to know what caused us to start fearing at the age of six that someone was going to disrobe us against our will.  What I do want is to learn to recognize at the deepest level that the root incident is over; to accept my feelings without feeling obligated to perpetuate the burden of these feelings; and to learn to empower myself to move on, accepting and validating the past without letting it permanently damaging and limiting me.