Religious Decisions

by Mary and Allegra

[We just posted this on an email list for multiples.]

We are still catching up on messages and wanted to show our support for [a multiple friend] and anyone else who is going through or has gone through struggles with religious beliefs and practices.  We're sorry that you've dealt with this and hope that you find the peace and healing that you seek.

A little about us in this regard.  We hope we don't come across as hijacking the thread, because our intent is to show empathy and support by sharing our experience.

We'll preface this by saying that we don't have any RA history.  We think it's important to clarify this so that whoever is reading has a clear context of our situation.

Our family is Jewish, but we were raised non-religious, although we did observe the major holidays from a cultural/secular standpoint.  Our mother disliked religion (we don't know if she was abused in that context, though), and she didn't want us and our siblings brought up with it.  She didn't even want our father joining a synagogue, although he decided to do so anyway when he turned 40.  She didn't protest after that.

We had mixed feelings about being raised non-religious.  On the one hand, we believed strongly in the right of the individual to choose a path and not have it dictated by family or other authority figures.  On the other hand, we missed the celebrations and presents and parties that come with certain milestones.  We felt ashamed that we cared more about superficial things like presents and parties, but what young person wouldn't want those things?

At the same time, we had a neighbor who was about our age and went to Catholic school.  The whole bit.  We were envious.  A part of us had been fixated on some level with Catholicism every since we were a toddler.

Fast forward to the late 1980s, when we were about 27.  The part of us that identified with Catholicism decided to formally convert.  We went through the process, even though we felt another part of us didn't want to do so and didn't like religion at all.  This was a few years before we realized we were multiple.  We were very active in church for a while, and we even moved to the town where the church was, about a 15 minute drive from our hometown.

We realized in 1996 that we were multiple, when our body age was 34.  At that point we knew that it was best for us to back off from church activities, and we sent a letter to several church friends.  They were confused, and some of the ministry leaders were disappointed.  We told one trusted church friend that we were multiple, because we believed that she would "get it."  We felt fortunate that she did.

But we had to move on, because we knew that there were many different spiritual beliefs in our system.  We stopped going to church in 2001.  We think that because of our diverse beliefs, we will never be able to find a spiritual community in 3d, so we don't try.  It saddens some of us that we have to walk this path on our own.

About 22 of the 47 of us identify as Christian, with beliefs most similar to the United Church of Christ, which is very progressive and LGBT-friendly.  Charity is the one who had been fixated with Catholicism, and she is a lesbian.  Besides what we've already mentioned, we realized that none of us, Charity included, could continue to participate in a church that doesn't fully accept LGBT people.  (To clarify, Charity is the only lesbian in our system; the rest of us are split between straight and asexual, and we identify as asexual on the outside.)

Charity now personally identifies as a mix of Quaker, UCC, and Unitarian, although she's still trying to sort things out. In addition to the her and the other 21 Christians, we have 12 who are some variety of Pagan, New Age, or eastern beliefs; four who identify as agnostic; three who identify as atheist; four who are two young to have any concept of spirituality; and two who are non-coporeal and function as a yin/yang tandem.

None of us identifies with the Jewish religion, although for any Jewish person, being Jewish is a two-sided coin.  On the one hand, it's an ethnic and cultural group, and on the other hand, it's a religion.  Many modern Jews identify as "cultural Jews."  Our first brother married an observant Jewish woman, and they are raising their daughters this way.  The girls are 17 and 13 and a half.  Our second brother has Tourette Syndrome and a mild, unspecified developmental disability.  He believes in God and considers himself Jewish, but he has no desire for any further involvement.  We ourselves rarely go to synagogue, only for family milestones, but our father is gone now, and our nieces have completed their studies, so we have little or no reason to be there.  It's difficult for a person who knows very little Hebrew to follow along, anyway.

But we do want to reconnect with our cultural heritage.  Some of us think that this is perhaps our father influencing us since he passed.  Today we bought The Bible for Dummies, Judaism for Dummies, The Idiot's Guide to Judaism, The Idiot's Guide to the Talmud (a book of Jewish law), and a book about learning Hebrew.  All for cultural and educational purposes, not for religious purposes.  If our father is indeed influencing us, he knows us well enough that we'll only do things on our own terms.