Hot Flashes and Hot Temper

by Laura

We've been having hot flashes again.   We haven't had them with any regularity since last fall, but theyyyyyyrrrre baaaa-aaaaaack.  Not that we're really noticing them too much; it's more like, oh, there they are again.

Me, I'm usually annoyed about something else to begin with.  I don't need hot flashes to p*ss me off; just about anything will do.  But they're just one more annoyance atop a huge pile of metaphorical sh*t that I carry around with me.

One of the arguments--erm, disagreements--that Allegra and I regularly have revolves around the nature of adulthood and my tendency to define adulthood in a black-and-white way, that is, with legal age being the sole criterion.  And I see adulthood and adolescence as being very separate, with the line between them very clear-cut.  When you're a minor, you're a minor, and when you're an adult, you're an adult.  And never the twain shall meet.

And as I see it, these two age groups carry very different levels of responsibility.  Each age level of minors helps takes care of the next age level down.  Older littles help look after younger littles.  Middles or tweens help look after littles.  Teens help look after kids.  But ultimately, the bigs are responsible for everyone.  This was the model for how our system was originally set up, and it directly parallels our collective definition of a healthy outside family.

The key to this model is the belief that no minor should have responsibility for overseeing a family unit.  No minor should have to take on the task of holding down a full-time job or have a family unit depend on them to carry out adult responsibilities. This is the purview of adults.  And only adults.

This is the way our system was originally set up, with the idea that the bigs are in charge, make all the decisions, and do all the "adult stuff."  No, I don't mean that adult stuff; I mean responsibile things like go to work, pay the bills, and deal with outside people.  But our reality hasn't been that way.  Seventeen years ago, Charity went inside and left Allegra and me holding the bag, and I've been resenting the hell out of her ever since.

It's time for the bigs to start being bigs again.