Feeling Cautiously Better

by Charity

We're feeling cautiously better tonight.  We've been able to handle the transition from vacation back to work much more smoothly than we anticipated.  And tonight's T session helped a great deal.  We really feel heard there.

I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I just wish I had some sort of lifeline, some sort of safe home base, something in our life that could serve as a source of strength for us.  My faith used to do this.  I feel like I haven't had faith in a long time, though.  So much of what I believe about myself has been a fabrication on my part, a construct that I invented long ago so that I wouldn't have to face the reality of our pain.  I can't avoid that reality now.

Our T says that it's okay to not have the answers yet, and it's okay to not "sit with our feelings," as our previous T and so many other Ts encourage clients to do.  Sitting with our feelings does no good if we get retraumatized again.  We need to so what's healthy for us, not simply what "experts" say is the correct thing to do.

We have to get up promptly tomorrow morning for a meeting first thing at work.  Our department head is a morning person, and we definitely are not.  And I don't want to be the cause of our delay, as I so often am.