by Charity and Allegra
[In response to a post on PsychForums about needing empathy, understanding, and healthy nurturing from others before being able to demonstrate them.]
Except for the part about you identifying as having DDNOS, we identify with what you wrote here.
We've
always craved nurturing. Never got it from our mother, who was in turn
abused by her own mother. Our need/desire to be nurtured has led us to
some very unhealthy relationships--not romantic, but "friendships" and
other relationships where the imbalance of power ended up hurting us.
We did not consciously seek out this imbalance of power, although we did
see ourselves as powerless.
Currently our T is the only one in
our life providing the kind of empathy and understanding that we need,
and we do understand the realization of having to pay to receive them.
She's suggested several times that we would benefit from learning to
nurture ourselves. But as you said, we need to receive healthy
nurturing from the outside before we can offer it to ourselves or to
outside people.
It's a dilemma for us too. A dilemma that feels very isolating.
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