by Charity
[With help from Mary and Allegra.]
Being of service within the multiple community has always been very important to us. Our ability to do so has varied, depending on what's going on in our own life.
When we're less able to be there for others, we feel guilty and helpless, especially a times like now, when our help is so needed that others we know are struggling with the same issue.
We are struggling with [these] feelings. We want to fix everything, but we can't fix our own life right now, let alone [be of help to others].
We [...] are currently dealing with some very, very difficult stressors in our own life. Things will be very difficult for us for at least another two to three months, when we are free of our parents' house and our brother is re-situated. Even then, we still have to deal with the seemingly debilitating loss that we've been feeling since our father died and all of this change followed.
We want to do what we can[, but we] feel helpless.
__________
We stayed in bed until late afternoon. At first it was because we were so physically drained from more work cleaning out our parents' house. Brother number one was there, and the three of us made a great deal of progress. And brother number two told us that he finally found an apartment, without the help of an agent. Unlike at least one previous landlord, the one that he chose isn't discriminating against him because B2 has a disability.
We were supposed to go with our brothers today to meet the landlord when B2 handed over the security and first month's rent. B1 was also going to measure the size of the apartment. But we could barely get out of bed. B1 understood. But it's hard not to be hard on ourselves.
We called our T at about 5pm. She said all the right things. She wanted us to at least get out of the house for a few minutes. We have four bags of laundry to do, but that will have to wait until we have vacation time starting next weekend. But we did go get groceries.
It's all we can do right now.
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