Intimacy and Orientation

by Charity, Mary, Laura, and Allegra

The body is 53 and female. We have done very little dating, only in college through our early 30s, and only men. Most of it was through dating services and did not lead to a second date. We found nothing enjoyable about dating; instead, we felt that there was not too much point to it, as we didn't like feeling unattractive, and we didn't like the fact that we only attracted men that we found unattractive.

After we realized we were multiple (the body age was 34), it became obvious to us that to put our well-being first, dating and intimate relationships were out of the question. About 85 percent of our system is under 18. Some of us may be interested in the idea of a relationship, because it fits the fairy-tale expectations that we developed as a small child. These fairy-tale expectations were largely cultural, but we thrived on them because we have always been emotionally needy. We need a dream to believe in; we need an ideal.

But reality can be very different, and it's often very painful to us to acknowledge this. We've come crashing down into this state of realization again and again during our life, and it's been very discouraging, to say the least. Realizing the truth about our unsuitability for dating and relationships is only one part of this.

Back to the original topic. Charity is the only one that has a history of actively wanting a relationship, and she identifies as a feminine lesbian who's attracted to feminine women. Of the rest of us old enough to have sexual feelings, about half would consider themselves straight, and the other half would consider themselves as having no sexual orientation and/or being averse to even considering the issue.

How do we identify collectively? Abstinent. Anything more than this makes things unnecessarily complicated. Is our being multiple the cause of this complication? It doesn't matter, because our situation is what it is, and because we choose to live as multiple, we see no point to wondering how we would be otherwise.