I Beg to Differ

by Charity

On October 5, 2017 Allegra said:

Our original paradigm was based on the narrowest definition. We still see ourselves as family, but each adult, instead of being a parent to a specific system branch, is now the older sibling of that sibling branch. This modification of the paradigm takes the narrow "parenting" onus off, because we're no longer the parents but an adult sibling in a parenting role, because of the absence of a shared parent. By our logic, if the adult sibling is inadequate in any way, it's not as intrinsically bad, because this adult was never "supposed" to be the "real" parent in the first place.

No, the parenting onus is not taken off us adults.  It's still very much there.  Somebody has to be ultimately responsible and accountable for system welfare and for the welfare of all younger individuals.  As the adults, this is on us, whether we see ourselves as parents, older siblings, or any other adult guardian.

I understand that we did not choose guardianship the way singleton parents choose it.  We are many because of one or more outside people's choices hurt us profoundly.  But our others are here nonetheless, and we have a moral obligation to take care of those others, both as an internal society and as a collective entity practicing self-care.  We can't let a revised paradigm, however well-meaning, distract from this truth.