by Allegra
[This is the first in a series of posts that will catch our readers up with what we went through--and posted in forums-- during this summer, when we only blogged sporadically.]
Who's In Charge?
by Allegra, July 5, 2015, 2:41 pm
Who's in charge of your system? Not in the legal, official, or theoretical sense. Who takes charge of day-to-day activities? Who has the ability to override a tie vote in decision-making?
Who is a natural leader? Is it an adult or someone younger? How does this person feel about being a leader and having this responsibility? How do you reconcile your expectations of what it takes to be a leader with what the system as a group or specific insiders are able to actually do?
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Who's In Charge?, Part 2
by Charity, July 5, 2015, 4:45 pm
Allegra is our most natural leader, and she embraces the opportunity. Laura has leadership qualities, but her style, point of view, and values are different from Allegra’s.
Ideally the adults in our system (there are five of us) would be in charge *and* run things on a daily basis. But we all have various issues that prevent us from doing this, at least for now. So Laura and Allegra are left to run things by default, and we feel guilty about this.
And while Laura and Allegra work very well together, Laura doesn't embrace responsibility as Allegra does. So this leads to an ongoing conflict between the two of them, as well as an ongoing conflict between Laura and me, because she sees me as the one who should be leading the other adults in leading the system.
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Who's In Charge?, Part 3
by Charity, July 6, 2015, 9:52 pm
Our younger ones are very good at "faking being an adult." And so are those of us who are adults on the inside. :-/
To clarify, I am an adult that often doesn't feel like an adult. I can't speak for our other four adults, but I think that they do feel the age that they are.
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Obstacles to Healing, 7/8/15
by Charity, July 8, 2015, 3:31 pm
A friend said that once I face my pain, it will shrink. I agree. Christine, who's eight and a half, once came up with an excellent metaphor. Big feelings are like Mylar balloons. If you give them time, the air slowly leaks out of them, until they have no power anymore.
We are in the middle of a heat wave here. Hot and humid. Given our body age, it's even more uncomfortable. We are a bit dehydrated and are trying to remedy the problem.
We have T tonight. I'd like to talk about shame. I'll see how it goes.
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Obstacles to Healing, 7/9/15
by Charity, July 9, 2015, 11:05 am
[To an online friend:]
Thank you for letting me know that you've felt some of the same anxieties that I've felt. It helps to hear the reminder. But more about that in a moment.
We are improving from the dehydration, though we are not completely recovered. During this weather we always take a half-liter bottle of water with us when we go somewhere. We also like to drink Gatorade.
In T last night I talked about how I tend to take hurt feelings and look at them as a catastrophe. I over-generalize, believing one specific bad situation will happen every time under all circumstances. I take leaps of emotional logic that make no sense to people with good self-esteem. I go from:
Something went wrong
to
It's my fault
to
I am bad/undeserving/worthless/etc.
to....
So I began examining my reasoning process with our T's help. I know this sort of thing takes time to work through. But I want to feel better, so I'm willing to do the work.
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Obstacles to Healing, 7/11/15
by Charity, July 11, 2015, 3:43 pm
[To an online friend:]
Thank you for the validation. I felt that the T session resulted in much progress.
The dehydration seems to be resolved now. We're in a new heat wave, though. :/
Next time in T, we're going to continue to look at my emotional reasoning process. Meanwhile, when I react to a trigger with the emotions of a child, I try (as an adult) to pay attention to what age I feel when I'm in those feelings. I want to learn what triggers each age, and I want to see if I can find some sort of a pattern.
__________
One Insider’s Issues, 7/13/15
by Charity, July 13, 2015, 4:47 pm
The heat wave did come back again. Saturday was bearable, but Sunday was just awful. Our apartment is the second floor of a house, and when the weather outside gets above 80F, our air conditioner doesn't work very well. It ends up being 10 degrees hotter inside than it is outside. :-/
We hope that when we come home from work this evening, it won't be so bad. We'd like to be able to go online without worrying that it will make the apartment even hotter.
__________
One Insider's Issues, 7/14/15
by Charity, July 14, 2015, 4:50 pm
We have a ceiling fan in each of the two rooms, but even with the fans and the AC both on, it's still not enough. We may also buy a table fan for each room.
Can we replace the insulation? No. We're just renters. We have no control over the way the house absorbs heat.
__________
College and Other Things I Don't Remember
[opens in a new window]
by Charity, July 25, 2015, 8:23 pm
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