College and Other Things I Don't Remember

by Charity

We haven't posted here for nearly three weeks.  Between heat waves, work obligations, and resolving the sale of our parents' house, we've been too busy and too tired.  Others may write later about some of those things, but I'm concerned with other issues now.

An online acquaintance recently made a forum post about not being able to remember going to college or learning the material that constituted the qualifications for several degrees.  This person's post really resonated with me, so I responded.

Yes, they are accomplishments even if you don't remember them. Somebody within your system does remember, especially if they were the one(s) attending classes and doing the work.

I have very few memories of college, other than what it felt like for me to be there. Others in our system attended classes and did the work. We graduated over 30 years ago. Every so often I have dreams that I/we never completed our coursework or graduated, and therefore we would have to go back and complete our degree.

Or I have dreams that I go through entire semesters and never attend class or learn the material, and find myself totally unprepared to take exams. It's not only a direct reflection on the gaps in my experience, but also a metaphor for feeling unable to cope or accomplish normal things in the present day.

It's terrible having to go through life feeling inadequate. I'm trying to work through these feelings.

I guess that coming to terms with this is a good thing, even if it doesn't feel good.