The Month That Was, September 2015

by Allegra

You Know You’re Multiple When….
by Laura, September 3, 2015 10:56 am

....when you tell your closest headmate, who's supposedly the sensible one, not to tell coworker Jane Doe about XYZ, because Jane's knowing XYZ would likely give her the power to prevent us from doing our job....and then said headmate runs into Jane Doe in the elevator, and tells her, "Oh, by the way, XYZ blah blah blah."

*eyeroll*

[Allegra:  Well, she didn't do anything to "disempower" us. She was only too happy to let us do our job.]
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Need Support
by Charity, September 4, 2015 11:43 am

We have been struggling with difficult feelings, isolation, and loss for some time. We do not self-harm, but we remain stuck in a dark place.

[later]

An online friend replied, mentioning anxiety related to starting school again.  We understand school-related anxiety and remember it well, even though we graduated from college over 30 years ago. Time sometimes has a different meaning for folks like us.
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Need Support, 9/6/15
by Charity, September 06, 2015, 1:52 pm

I had a long talk inside with Mary last night. For a while, I wasn't in a place to listen to anyone, even Mary, and she's my closest friend on the inside. But I was ready to listen last night. I don't know why, but I'm glad that I listened. She has a way of reframing things in a way that's very helpful.

The pain is still there and will be for quite some time. But the next time we go to T, I'll mention what Mary and I talked about. I hope that we can keep the momentum going.

My immediate goal is to find a way to stop vacillating between being receptive to healing and being resistant to help and support. This is not easy. Fear is a big motivator to stay frozen.

I'd like to keep talking to people. It helps me/us to avoid isolating.
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Need Support, 9/7/15
by Charity, September 7, 2015, 6:57 pm

[To an online friend]

What your T says makes sense. Although at least in our case, some of those who are the least scared are not willing to help those who are the most scared. There are other issues involved that make this so.

I've come to realize that throughout our life, I've felt a profound sense of emptiness. Not just loneliness or abandonment or insecurity; all of those are there as well. But a deep emptiness has always been there. I've often told our T that I don't want to let go of pain because if I do, I'll have nothing there. Nature abhors a vacuum, and this includes emotional vacuums as well. I'd rather feel pain than emptiness, although I know neither is good for me.

It's another thing to talk about in T.