by Mary
We had been thinking for some time about removing the keys to our parents' house from our key chain. In addition to them no longer serving any practical purpose, keeping them on the chain would only prolong our healing process and impede our ability to move forward. Some of us were not ready: not ready to remove the keys, and not ready to move forward.
Today, I removed the keys.
It has not been a good day for us. Right now there's a great deal of emotional static on the inside, a deliberate attempt to keep me from forming and expressing the thoughts that I need to do my part in this process. I do not want to give up. I want to live, I want to heal, and I want to thrive. I want this for all of us, even if some of us don't want it right now.
One of the thoughts that came forward while I was moving toward this point is the importance of the world beyond our world. The World Beyond Our World. I call this world meta-existence or meta-reality. Along with subjective reality and objective reality, meta-reality is the all-encompasing, universal, complete reality beyond our comprehension as limited beings. We will never understand meta-reality, but we can and should be aware and mindful of its importance.
We cannot succumb to the temptation to isolate. Some respite from the outside world is healthy, but fear-based isolation is not. Each fearful step farther within is a step down the slippery slope to self-destruction. Today I felt myself on that slope, and I chose to step away from it. I never want to be in that position again.
I do not like to lead, but I can be a leader. I learned this today. I value Allegra's wisdom, counsel, energy, and compassion, and I see her age as neither a help nor a hindrance, but part of who she is. I accept and value all of who she is.
Today Allegra said to me that because of my relationship with Charity, I will always be more sensitive to Charity's perspective than anyone else in the system is. I agree. But both Allegra and I also know that hearing and empathizing with someone, accepting without judgment the person's right to her feelings, is not the same as agreeing with the person. Part of the World Beyond The World of the emotionally young, the emotionally vulnerable, the emotionally hurting, is to learn to see beyond the limited perspective of black and white, and to recognize the spectrum of shades of gray. Each shade of gray in this spectrum has a purpose. We may not know its purpose, but as with The World Beyond Our World, we need to accept its existence in order to move forward, to live, to heal, and to thrive.
Today, I recognize my strength, my courage, and my leadership. I'm not comfortable doing so, but I do it anyway.
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