They Are Who We Thought They Were....Or Not

by Laura and Allegra

Anyone who watches NFL football on a regular basis is probably familiar with former head coach Dennis Green, who famously delivered his "They Are Who We Thought They Were" tirade after his Arizona Cardinals lost to a mediocre Chicago Bears team.  It's this tirade that we thought of as Mary and Allegra made the following forum post:

When one or more of us is "hiding behind" someone, the person in front doesn't even know that the others are around or influencing. There's no physical sensation, no sense of another's presence, nothing like that. The fronting person may act differently, show different abilities, and/or have different feelings without knowing why, or even without being aware that something's different.

What's even more frustrating is finding out in retrospect (as we get to know ourselves better) that the way that one system member may have acted in the past is not how they really are, at least today. Sometimes we evolve, we differentiate, we hand off certain behaviors to others who are better suited. Various system members begin to own their individual issues and feelings. It's frustrating when we find out that we're not necessarily who we thought we were, especially when our self-understanding is so vital to our self-esteem and overall well-being.

We are who we thought we were.  Or not.  We're never sure, and there's a chance that we never will be sure.