by Charity
[Someone online asked us if we had the leadership within to take care of the "dysfunctional" members of our system. This is how I replied.]
I am the leadership in our system. Or at least I was supposed to be; all five of us (the adults) were supposed to be leading the system as a team. This is the way we envisioned and built our system.
But it hasn't worked out as we'd hoped. We haven't functioned that way for over 17 years. We each have our own issues that impede us to one degree or another. I was supposed to be the leader. But I feel impeded most of all. And I feel a great deal of sadness and anger and shame. I feel those feelings overflowing until I can't contain them all, and the others end up bearing the burden, suffering because I'm unable to lead as I believe that I should.
We leave the system in care of our older teens, which is patently unfair to them. The fact that they are far more capable than we are is irrelevant when it comes to meeting the responsibilities dictated by age. The relationship between age and responsibility is a big, big issue for our system that continues unresolved, and this issue only adds to the burden at hand.
I don't know whether to yell or cry right now. I can't do either; we're at work now.
[Post title courtesy of Allegra.]
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