Resentment

by Laura

If you can't deal with anger and resentment, too bad.  I've spent a lifetime trying to live up to other people's standards of what's acceptable to feel, acceptable to be.  We shouldn't have to censor ourselves, and  I won't do it here.

Someone on a forum suggested the possibility that our trigger felt like a revolving door.  It didn't.  It was definitely Charity feeling triggered, with me feeling the emotional overflow.  It's hard for us to explain the dynamics; all we can say is that these are the people affected.

We've posted in various places and done a little blogging. We've also eaten a little and watched some TV. We've been thinking about how to pare down some of our own belongings so that we don't continue the cycle, but it's hard to let go of our own stuff, just as it's hard to let go of our parents' stuff.

Our second brother has Tourette Syndrome and has been sheltered his whole life. Even though he finished school and works full time, he's never had the realistic challenge of living independently. The room and board that he paid our parents is less than half of what a person typically pays for rent in our area. He has no idea how to budget, no concept or history of financial planning, and no sense of how to organize details. We ourselves are the exact opposite, and his naive desire to continue living in his dream world is driving us crazy.

We're not his parent and shouldn't have to be. It's not as if he doesn't have the intelligence or the resources available; he just hasn't had to use them. We have enough problems of our own without taking on the added responsibility of doing for him what he can and should be doing for himself.

Rant over. For now.  I feel Rachel wanting to explode, and I don't give a f*ck if the whole world knows it.  What else is new?