Just Once

by Charity

Just once I'd like to get through a weekend, a holiday, or a vacation without sinking into a traumatized state the day before we have to get back to our usual routine.

Actually, I'd like this to happen not just once, but every time.  Or at least nearly every time.  Dread looms today, and it brings shame along for the ride.  Somehow we managed to get out of bed by 9am, even though I wanted to hide in a very deep hole.  We had to go food shopping before the heat of the day would become unbearable.

We did it.  Somehow.  Mary talked me through it.  The others were doing the driving and the shopping cart pushing and the examining of organic apples for ripeness, although I know that I was there for the apples. 

And when we got home, Mary had to push me through the vitamin taking and the MasterCard payment and the eating of a breakfast sandwich, all the while trying to reason with a young child (part of me?) that bore distinct resemblance to a specific child in our system.  I cannot for the life of me understand why, after all this time, they continue to support me, let alone try to protect me.

Checking the places online where we go to give and receive support to/from other multiples.  Comment here, encourage there, various inside with me responding in one way or another.  We come here so that I can read what I wrote yesterday, hoping that doing so will encourage me to reconnect with the level of accomplishment that I felt then.  My writing now unsurprisingly shows elements of the style of the friend whose blog we were just reading, and I feel like I have no boundaries.  Mary reminds me that the latter is not true, and I try to believe her, even though at the moment I feel anything but strong.