Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Struggling, 9/17/14

by Charity

[Posted today on Mosaic Minds.]

Thank you[...]Our T is helping a great deal.

I'm also dealing with other issues, including the realization that nearly all the memories I have of childhood--definitely all the memories that involve being around other people--are unhappy ones. It's hard for me to have hope, to believe that things will get better, when they were never good for me in the first place.

[later]

Yes, we do trust our T. We've been with her for over 10 years.

Several others have good memories of our childhood. I do not. While I can look at their experiences and know intellectually that there were good times, they're not my memories. And for me, my memories and my emotional reality trump intellect.

I may have had a few experiences that I saw at the time as being sublime, but I know see that I was living them through the lens of naivete and illusion. I idealized things and people when I should not have done so. I won't get into the details, but it's a large factor in the crash into reality that I've experienced during the last few years.

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