Hard Case

by Charity

I've been giving Mary a hard time.  Not on purpose.  But my stubborn need to hold onto past ideals is making it harder for her to be supportive of me.

She doesn't give up, though.  She keeps at it no matter how triggered I get, no matter how deeply engulfed I am in flashbacks.  I would have given up on me.  But she hasn't.

I wish that I could be done with all of this.  I wish I could just live life and stop making it so difficult for us as a collective.  It's so hard to get past the past, past the feelings, past the anger and the sadness and the fear and the abandonment and the not being heard....I want to give up, but I don't want to give up.  I want peace within, but I want to punish myself.  I want to punish myself because I can't punish the ones who hurt us. 

I hate all of this.