Control vs. Empowerment

by Mary

A multiple friend of ours brought up the issue of power and control, and how a person could be in control (managing life) and still feel powerless.  This is what we told her:

We've come to the conclusion that control isn't really possible, or even desirable, in most circumstances.  Control is what our abusers tried to exert over us, and what people in power often try to exert over other people.

What we see as preferable, and more attainable, is empowerment.  The difference is that unlike control, empowerment doesn't depend on our domination of people, places and things.  Empowerment is recognizing our own strengths and opportunities and using them effectively to better our quality of life.

That being said, we still struggle with issues of control and with a lot of the feelings that you describe.  It's easy for us as survivors to feel disempowered based on our past experience, even if new opportunities now exist for us to empower ourselves.  And it's difficult to process the feelings and experiences from the past that keep us from moving forward.

Hoping that we both/all find what we need to continue healing.
__________

Meanwhile....I was able to break through to Charity yesterday? the day before? and re-establish our usual level of co-consciousness and communication.  I don't know what kept me blocked off.  All I know was that I was stuck at some distance from her and the others for several weeks despite my repeated efforts to break through.  And it felt frustrating to see our system in such distress and not be able to do anything about it.

There are still many issues that we need to work on.  Our ability to work together, to better handle the stresses of the outside world....Some of the others would rather isolate themselves from the rest of the system, and while I empathize with them for feeling the need to protect themselves, I know that withdrawal isn't healthy in the long run.

But back to my recent struggle to be present....I do know that my return wasn't instantaneous.  When Charity was left to advocate for us at work, I was able to help and support her from a distance.  And when she recounted her experience here, I was able to help her do this as well.  This type of joint effort isn't necessarily deliberate; we don't set out to complicate each other's efforts, and we certainly don't want to blur our sense of individual identity.  It's cooperation, and this is a good thing.