by Mary and Allegra
Fellow multiple: It is like, I know I am me, because I have the body, I walk around in the body, everything... but I don't 'feel' like me. I have no clue who I feel like.
We've been at this multi thing for 20 years now, and we still have this problem at times. The technical term for this is "identity confusion." Scientific, eh? :-)
Since we've been aware of everyone in our system for many years, we thought that this term didn't apply to us. But being aware of our entire "roster" doesn't mean that we know who's who at any particular moment. Thoughts and feelings overlap. Memories sometimes also overlap.
Part of the reason for this lack of clarity, at least in our case, is that we've realized that we don't know ourselves as well as we thought. The healing process has resulted in a level of self-discovery, not always positive, that we never anticipated. And if we don't really know ourselves as well as we thought, how can we be expected to know who our others really are?
We wish we had a simple answer. Or a magic wand. But the only thing that helps is hard work and a great deal of patience.
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