The Magic Eraser

by Mary and Allegra

[A longtime friend expressed frustration about having had her feelings and needs repeatedly minimized during the course of her life.]

We hear you, and we're sorry you've had to deal with all of this.

People that say that we can choose not to be angry are missing the point.  We feel how we feel, and other people's inability to realize or acknowledge this can feel very invalidating.

Even if people phrased their feedback more accurately by saying that we can choose how we *react* to our feelings, it still doesn't mean that it's easy for us to do so.  We can't turn feelings on and off with a light switch or wipe them away with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.  It takes time to work through feelings, and because we have so much going on in our lives, we can't simply focus all our energy on one thing.  Even if we did, we could end up moving forward faster than we're ready to move.

There's a serious lack of wisdom in society.  Most people don't do the introspection and the healing work that folks like us do, so they have no idea how much worse they can make things sometimes.  And that's not even counting the people who intentionally hurt us.

We wish we had a better way to deal with things like this.  But we can only do what we can do, and try to treat ourselves better than other people have treated us.

Hoping you find peace.
_____

It's been more than a week since we've posted.  We've been trying to get used to living with a greater sense of normalcy in our life, or at least with a reduced number of stressors.  We and our brothers have basically finished cleaning out the house, and we're waiting for the title company to complete its work so that the lawyers can schedule the closing.  We're more than ready for all of this to be over.

Charity has been struggling with anger.  She says repeatedly that she hates being alive, and she digs in her heels in when we try to help her work through things.  We know that only she can do the work, but she doesn't live in a vacuum.  Her experiences affect all of us.