Q and A

by Allegra

[In a recent forum post, we replied to a series of questions asked by someone newly diagnosed as multiple.  We've condensed the wording of the questions here.]

Can insiders remain quiet or go missing for any length of time?

This is very common, and it's happened to us several times.

Can members of a multiple system can have no memory of  switching?

Absolutely. Laura in our system calls this "falling off the turnip truck." An insider suddenly finds herself out front without having been at or near the front immediately prior.

Is switching is done on a conscious or subconscious level?

For us it can be both. However, our system does not switch on demand.

Is integration is always the goal of a multiple system?

Not for us, nor for a lot of other multiples that we've known over the past 19 years since we learned that we're multiple. But one thing that we've learned here at this forum is that there are a number of people who do have integration as a goal. The key is knowing what's best in a particular situation.

Is there a metaphor that you use to explain your experiences of being multiple?

Our system is riding a bus, and the driver(s) are the one(s) fronting.

How do you keep your system quiet around outsiders when needed so that you appear normal?

We've never tried to quiet anyone. However, we have a system rule that we do not allow behavior inappropriate to the situation. For example, if inside kids are near the front, they have to remain quiet around outside people.

How do you learn about your alters' names, genders, ages, and roles?

Ours is a non-host system. We believe that up until we realized we were multiple, we engaged in some sort of "tag-team" fronting, consisting of a melange of various insiders who later became known individually. Some of us gave our names when we appeared, while others had their names chosen for them by the caregivers in our system.

As for roles, we've learned over the years that it's best for us not to define ourselves in terms of roles, because roles limit us and keep us from developing and healing.

Do you try to regain major gaps in memory, or do you just accept the a gap and move on?

We don't have blackouts. Different insiders remember different periods, with the total adding up to a consistent whole that's free of significant gaps.