[From a quiz on PsychForums. Note....there was no Question 4.]
We are a full-fledged multiple, but we're going to answer this because, well, we feel like it. (We don't like to say that we "are DID" or that we "have DID," because we don't see being many as a disorder. We believe the disorder is the cPTSD caused by the trauma.)
1. Do you have alters? If so, how did you discover them/how did they make themselves known to you? Also, are they distinct, clear-cut personalities or are they more amorphous? (or both?)
We have a system of 47 individuals. We realized that we were multiple in 1996 and found about half a dozen insiders a year through 2003. A couple of years later we realized that we'd found everyone.
Everyone is distinct, but not everyone is complex. It varies.
2. How would you describe your system and the way you operate? How is it decided who will be "out front", or is that a conscious decision?
We interact with each other the same way that we interact with outside people. Except sometimes with less tact.
About 17 percent of us are out regularly, 38.25 percent occasionally, and 44.625 percent rarely or never. (If you're wondering why that only adds up to 99.875 percent, we just ignore it, because it's too small to make a difference.)
3. In your system, is it usually one part who has control at a time? Or does there always seem to be some sort of overlap/co-consciousness/"blending"? (or both?)
We are usually out two at a time. If someone is triggered, they're likely to push everyone else further inside, and we have to make sure somebody suitable comes out to stabilize the system.
We often have emotional overlap, or what we call "emotional leakage." It can be frustrating because it makes it harder to tell who's feeling what.
5. Is it always clear to you who's "out"?
Usually, but not always.
6. Do you have a gatekeeper? If so, what are his/her/its functions?
We have an ageless, formless yin/yang duo, and we think that one of their functions involves gatekeeping to some degree. Not over everyday matters or everyday interactions, but over meta-issues affecting our long-term healing.
7. Do you "switch"? If so, could you describe what this feels like/how this takes place? Is it obvious when it occurs?
See our answer to question 2.
8. Do you have an "internal world"? If so, when and why was it created?
Yes. We're not sure if we created it, or it revealed itself to us. Probably a combination of both.
9. Do you think your DID/DDNOS stems from an attachment issue related to a primary caregiver?
Yes, that's definitely a large part of it, but by no means the only part, or the original cause. But it did join the party very early on.
10. What confuses you about [being multiple] ?
Not being able to work through an issue that finds us "stuck."
No comments:
Post a Comment