Agape: ...the highest form of love, charity... it embraces a universal, unconditional love that transcends and persists regardless of circumstance.
--Wikipedia
Charity: She who deludes herself by identifying as a vessel of agape.
--MD life lesson
I've been Googling existential concepts like Truth and Reality, and I've been getting nowhere. All I want to know is how realistic I need to be without losing myself in the process.
I've always envisioned the ideal mother to be a vessel of agape, that is, someone whose entire existence is built upon meeting the needs of her infant. The bond between the Vessel and the Nurtured is What Is, the totality of existence. What Was, What Is, What Will Ever Be. No wonder the ritual and the dogma of the Catholic Church appealed to me. It was an authoritative certainty that exemplified my What Is.
But my What Is isn't. What Is is actually what Rachel calls "an existence of ugliness," a Truth of darkness and pain that can never be denied, because once it Is, it always Was, and it always Will Be.
Our holiday weekend consisted of three straight days spent curled up on the couch, watching marathons of shows on Animal Planet and National Geographic. We didn't do the laundry that we so sorely needed to do. We didn't do any more purging of old items from around the house. We just lay there feeling overwhelmed by the pointlessness of our life and by our overwhelming desire not to live it.
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