by Charity
Online friend: How does Mary feel about all this?
Someone at another site asked us the same question after we posted about this over there. I said that Mary wouldn't tell me if she thought that I was being too needy. Allegra might, for my own good and for the good of the system. But I don't think that Mary would want to risk hurting my feelings, even if she knew that being honest with me is the right thing. More likely, she'd try to help me see my neediness by myself.
Same online friend: If support is a role that fulfills her there is no problem. If she feels used then there is some work to do.
I wouldn't say that she feels used. More like she wants our relationship to be more balanced. I understand this. When it comes to relationships, I share her values. Neither of us believe in roles. But just as I contribute to the problem by feeling needy, she contributes by not making an effort to know herself. Not making an effort to step outside her own comfort zone. Not making an effort to be more than someone who simply listens and supports.
It's her journey too. And Deborah's journey, and Rachel's journey, and Drew's journey. It's not just my journey. We all have to work on it.
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