Big Toe in the Shallow End

by Allegra

[To a teen from another system:]

Hi...Allegra here. Laura's with me, but I've decided to speak for both/all of us, lest Laura say something unproductive. [Laura glares at Allegra sideways.]

Charity was going to be the one to respond, but since this is a teens' thread, I think that I can convey the issues she and the other bigs are dealing with. Yes, 25 is "pretty adult." Old enough to have finished college (in the traditional scenario of going there straight after high school), entered the job market, and started to establish a life for oneself. Yes, there are often economic constraints, but you get the point.

Charity had this scenario in mind, and when the body turned 25, she concluded that she didn't want to get any older. She's always done things slowly, kind of like sticking your big toe in the shallow end of the pool, but she's always felt rushed by everyone around her to move forward. Very anxiety-producing. The other bigs absorbed some of that anxiety and reacted in a variety of ways--retreating to books and schoolwork (Mary), stuffing anger and being rigid and hypervigilant (Rachel), building her own inner Versailles (Deborah), or just simply isolating (Drew).

This is a simplified version of the story. We have a lot of emotional overlap. But the bottom line is that the bigs have the most work to do if we're ever to function in a fully healthy way.

[To a teen from yet another system, about isolating, and whether we know what other people of our body-age are like:]

Yes, we isolate a lot, for various reasons. I'm one of the few extraverts in our system, so I handle a lot of the interactions that we do have with outside people. Although sometimes others pop out with less-than-ideal results. :-/

We know a lot of outside people of various ages. Most of them have spouses and kids and even grandchildren. The latter of those is really hard to wrap our brain around. We'll never feel anywhere near our biological age on an emotional level, because we're not. The best we can do is to be as healthy as we can as who we are--which is not an easy task.