Distancing From Feelings

by  Mary

[We posted the following in response to a forum message about one system member distancing himself from feelings.  This system member had also been responsible for much of the system's schoolwork during childhood.]

Rachel[...] could have written [his] post. It's actually a relief to us to see the similarities, because we've been at a standstill for at least a year in trying to further the part of our healing that is dependent on Rachel's involvement.

A number of us have the ability to empathically read the feelings of other system members, even if these feelings are not stated outright. We believe that Rachel cuts off her feelings (and cuts herself off from the rest of us and from the outside) to protect herself from being seen as vulnerable. She has at times said as much. She will protect herself in this way even if it means putting her own needs ahead of others.

It occurred to us just today that there may currently be some overlap between Rachel and Drew, who is another one of our bigs. Drew has been in seclusion for years by choice. Her reasons merit another discussion entirely, but suffice it to say that the fact that Rachel has been engaging in Drew-like withdrawal means that Rachel has probably regressed in her healing. Which of course means that more than ever, she needs to heal.

As an aside, Rachel was one of those who did much of our schoolwork. I was the other one. The difference was that I liked to learn, while Rachel's intent was to fulfill obligations and to satisfy people in authority. We never felt like we did the latter. :-/