Bigs and System Responsibility, Part Deux

by Laura

[In response to a fourm comment that my "teen view" might be the answer to our system's lack of adult leadership:]

Um, no. I appreciate the vote of confidence. But just because someone is good at something doesn't mean that they want to do it or should be doing it.

We discovered our system in mid-1996. Allegra and I and a few others appeared in the spring of 1997, and we've been doing the vast majority of the fronting since shortly after that. At first the excuse was that the system was getting too large for Charity to manage alone, and that she needed help. Then she stopped leading altogether. I've also had other reasons for resenting her, but I'm not going to get into that.

So, as I see it, I come off as a b*tch because I'm not tolerant of Charity's emotional frailty, but so be it. I know that the history between the two of us makes me more inclined to be harsher on her than on the rest of the bigs. But Rachel and Drew have never been maternal or nurturing, and none of us expected more from them just taking care of stuff. Mundane things (Rachel) and protecting (Drew).

It took years for us (Drew included) that Drew had no desire or inclination to be a protector, which is one of the reasons we stopped thinking of people in terms of roles. But Charity and Mary have always had a desire to nurture, so we've looked to them to provide that. They haven't for a long time, at least not consistently. And when Charity withdraws, Mary tends to withdraw with her, since she's gotten into the habit of putting Charity's well-being ahead of the well-being of the system at large.

Yes, it's a conundrum. But I'm 17 and a half, so it's not my problem to solve.

As for Deborah, she originally presented herself as spoiled and imperious and insanely wealthy, living in her own personal Versailles. Eventually that changed to formal, aloof, and isolated. Allegra says that the fact that Deborah lets little kids inside the parlor means that Deborah may have the ability/desire to nurture to some extent. I don't care, as long as each of the bigs does something to take responsibility, individually and as a team, so that those of us under the age of 18 can just be who we are.