Bigs and System Responsibility

by Laura and Allegra

[Posted on a forum in response to someone who asked why we believe that Mary needed to take more of a leadership role.]

We have five bigs. The welfare of our system is ultimately their responsibility. This is a non-negotiable system rule that has been in effect from the beginning. Unfortunately, the realities of individuals' issues have made it difficult to enforce this system rule consistently.

Mary is the highest functioning at this point. She holds little if any trauma.

Charity, despite originally envisioning herself as a system leader, holds most of the trauma-related feelings and is most prone to emotional upheaval.

Rachel can handle routine tasks quite efficiently if she's not angry. She has spent much of her life stuffing anger that she has absorbed from Charity and others. We believe that with time, Rachel will learn how to stop absorbing other people's anger. She works best when she doesn't have to deal with other people, inside or out.

Deborah is shy and socially fearful and does not see herself as having much to offer, either in terms of abilities or personal qualities. We believe this is also an offshoot of Charity's trauma, but Deborah has her own history nonetheless. She keeps to herself in her room or in the house's parlor. The only ones she will let into the parlor are littles under the age of five.

Drew has been in isolation for several years. She prefers to spend time alone in the woods, away from people. She is highly principled and has an interest in Native American culture and the Tao Te Ching. We do not know what we can do to encourage Drew to be more active, but we believe that perhaps a more developed relationship with Rachel will help them both.