And the Winner Is....No One!

by Laura

Well, we know what's going on inside.  As much as we can be certain of anything in a world filled with intentional and unintentional confusion and sabotage.

Rachel is in angry mode again.  You think I do anger well?  Rachel is the queen of self-sabotaging anger.  I do anger quickly and get it over with.  Rachel makes everyone miserable, including herself.

There are two things going on here.  One is her anger at those who abused and neglected us.  Understandable.  But Rachel takes this anger to an art form.  For her it's "me against the world," a world in which Everyone Else is a threat to her safety, and she puts her own (perceived) safety first above all else.  Unfortunately, she neglects to acknowledge that everyone else on the inside is part of Everyone Else, and any action that affects the rest of us negatively also affects her negatively.

The other thing involves our system-wide stance on adults, minors, and responsibility.  We believe that adults have the ultimate responsibility for our system and those in it.  We also believe that minors should not have to take on this responsibility.  Our collective inability to live up to this principle has been one of our biggest issues throughout the years.

Rachel is using this issue to to her advantage, or so it seems.  She, as an adult, won't seek support from the minors in the system, nor should she.  But she won't seek support from the other bigs, either.  She doesn't want to talk about anything or reveal anything that might make her seem even remotely vulnerable.  This includes blogging.  So she clams up, hides all her feelings in a vault less accessible than Fort Knox, and places all sorts of triggering scenarios as a "moat" around herself.  If that's not a Catch-22, I don't know what is.

Note to our T:  It's Rachel's turn this week.  She won't come out unless requested.  Gently but firmly.  This has to happen.